Dating Online: The Boyfriend Experiment

My only goal in life going forward last year was to find a boyfriend everything unlike my previous boyfriend. I turned to online dating due to the vast options available. I figured it was simple: out of a million guys, one had to be normal.

I was lucky enough to meet a great guy named Ted in only a few months using the dating site. It’s been a long six months now and, from what I can tell about Ted, he’s a great guy – nothing like my previous boyfriend and the six-month experiment with him. For that reason alone, I will always appreciate him. But it’s everything else about Ted that makes me love him.

What was so bad about my previous boyfriend that a simple girl like me would forever avoid anything even remotely close to his type?
Well, where should I get started?

How about our first date: Instead of taking me out to wine and dine me, he thought the Saturday night Bowl-o-Rama was romantic enough in itself. So while he chugged bears with his obnoxious friends, pondering the complexities of the automatic pin reset machine, I was eating stale nachos and praying for the date to end.

He won me over somehow. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. But the next thing I knew we were on our second date – driving up the mountain road to look at the changing leaves in autumn. This was a lot sweeter. It was almost perfect. Almost. But when Ted slammed a Slurpee in some guy’s face at the 7-11 while screaming, “How does cherry heaven taste,” the mood was kind of spoiled.

What was this poor victim of cherry onslaught’s crime? Oh, he happened to step on Ted’s shoe in the checkout line.

When I brought him home to meet my parents, he physically assaulted my uncle, called my brother a fatso and mimed air sex with my grandmother when she bent over in front of him.

Even still, I stayed with the creep for another three months. Even after he bought me duct tape at the store when I asked him to fix the refrigerator handle in my apartment, it still took me a while to leave the jerk.

Finally, I threw the duct tape at him and suggested he put some over his big freaking mouth.

I was happy to be free and actually felt no remorse over the breakup. I still can’t put my finger on what kept me with him for six grueling months. But I didn’t waste any time checking out a dating site after our split. There are plenty of fish in the sea after all.