Lessons Learned from Dating Books
How “He’s Just Not That into You” Really Relates to Your Love Life
Most girls on the dating scene have encountered brick walls before. There’s nothing really new there. Whether he tells you that he’s just getting out of a bad relationship, his career is limiting his time, or even if he basically gives the cold shoulder, you can bet that he’s not playing hard to get. Like the book says: he’s just not that into you.
Is it true – is he really simply not into you? Well, every case is obviously different, but this best-selling dating book is a best-selling book for a good reason: it exposes a lot about men that they really don’t want exposed, like their simplistic nature at the root of it all. More than that, it exposes a truth that many women simply don’t want to face, and that’s that some guys simply aren’t buying what they’re being sold.
This can be harsh and hard, cruel and cold, but anyone on the dating scene has to realize where the truth lies in order to cut their losses and make a clean break. Dusting yourself off and getting back on the dating horse is an important step for you or anyone else who has had the misfortune of running into a guy who’s simply not feeling you the way you’re feeling him.
What makes this book different from the rest of the dating books out there? For starters, it’s not a niche guide to online dating or a tipster piece telling you how to hopefully land your very own prince charming. The writers, Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt, are famously known for their work on HBO’s hit series Sex and the City, now a successful movie franchise, and judging by the realism of the New York dating scene expressed through the onscreen characters, it’s a safe bet that these writers know a thing or few about relationships.
The book has been made into a movie but perhaps is most famously known for being promoted on the Oprah Winfrey show. Every single thing that woman touches turns to gold, and President Barack Obama should be kissing Oprah’s diamond-studded toenails for getting him elected as President of the United States. True story.
At the heart of He’s Just Not That into You, the cold, hard truth is delivered to women who think their love interests are simply a little aloof. It shatters the myths about guys not calling or not wanting to come up for “coffee” or not asking you out being a little slow to act.
Dealing with the excuse-making ways of some women a little slower to meet and shake reality’s hand, He’s Just Not That into You can basically be described as both a motivational and instructional piece wherein women can learn to spot the signs and effectively deal with men who aren’t into them.
Culture of Victimhood
One key issue the book deals with in detail is the “victim” angle. When a woman is blown off by a guy and subsequently makes the excuse for the “why” (give it a name – anything you want), she is then seen as a victim, especially by her friends and family.
As a victim, the sympathy pours in. After all, it’s never a victim’s fault; it just wouldn’t be politically correct to blame a victim, even if the victim isn’t really a victim at all. Any show of weakness or vulnerability when it comes to dating can make a woman a victim, and the excuse-making really reinforces the whole wounded perception.
As a result, of course, those closest to said victim will help to strengthen and even create new excuses and reasons that the guy in question doesn’t want to date. All the while, the woman in question is just missing the writing on the wall and failing to realize that the guy simply doesn’t want to proceed with a relationship.
The book suggests that, as a friend, you never contribute to this. You need to help break the cycle and not create more excuses. Don’t be an enabler. And if you’re the one playing the victim, snap out of it!
The Other Sex
Men will always be men. There is really no secret formula to make any guy act against his nature. This means he’s not going to naturally open up to you and tell you how he’s feeling. Women usually will. When they’re not into a guy, they let it be known; and if they’re not direct about it, they’re at least a little more than subtle with the hints.
Men often find little reason to hold onto a woman who’s not into them, unless they’re a basket-case half a stalker or something. And this is most likely due to the way we’re able to communicate our feelings with one another.
On the other hand, women are often left out there on the ledge, not knowing for certain if men actually want to proceed with the relationship, and this has led to all the excuses and all the many women more than willing to play the victim’s role.
He’s Just Not That into You helps women to recognize a guy’s lack of interest where a guy might be too subtle to express it. Men aren’t exactly the types to look you in the eye and tell you that things just aren’t working out and that he wants to call it quits. They usually let contact lapse until feelings fall by the wayside, inadvertently leaving some women clinging on and ultimately burning bridges when it’s all said and done.
On its merits as a dating book, this is a great piece for the woman who needs to get over that hurdle of being a victim and needs to start gaining control of relationships. Just because he doesn’t spell it out doesn’t mean it’s any less true, and He’s Just Not That into You will help you realize it.