Oh, That Thing You Do

Things Women Do That Drive Men Nuts

It certainly wasn’t always the case that men could log onto the Internet and find some great dating advice and some general tips about how to approach women. But it’s certainly always been the case that women drive men absolutely nuts with a number of things

Since the first hairy-back cavechicks of old, we men have been absolute suckers for everything from a smile and wink to a touch and tug. At the heart of it, we probably don’t have a preference. Tease us and please us… and thank you. However, out of all the things you lovely ladies do—or are at least able to do—there are few on the list that we simply cannot get enough of.

Let’s forego the usual online dating advice and other relationship mumbo-jumbo this go ‘round and speak a little bit about god’s greatest gift to men – the women in our lives.

Here are a few things the ladies do that drive us batty and keep up coming back for more and more.

The Yum-Yum Factor

If you’ve ever heard that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, there’s a great reason for that – it’s absolutely true! If we didn’t have fast food joints, donut shops and other food sources, we men would probably turn Hannibal Lector and go all cannibal on one another post-apocalyptic style. We loves us some grub, and we don’t really care from where it hails.

When it comes to the good eats, though, women often serve up legitimate love potions. Fixing us that big, juicy pot roast, that gargantuan plate of spaghetti, the basket of country-fried chicken dripping with grease – we jump clean out of the clock when you feed us our preferred manly foods.

This is one thing women do that men can’t get enough of.

The Careless Brush-By

A lot of men will claim to have only one true erogenous zone, and you can probably guess exactly where it’s at when it stands up and winks at you with its one eye. But this isn’t the case. Men are people just like ladies, only a little cooler and a little smellier. So we definitely get turned on by a lot, especially a touch.

When a woman gives us that casual brush of a touch, whether it’s on the hand or arm or anywhere else, we go completely gaga. Not everything has to be sexual to make us think “SCORE!” and that soft, gentle touch gets us going in ways that you can’t even imagine.

A Bit Nipply

In some cultures around the world, breasts aren’t really sexual objects. They’re sources of food for some seriously lucky babies. Even still, you just know that there are some guys sitting around in their huts, drinking spit wine, shouting out “boinggggggg!” in tongues every time Shabutu goes walking by with boobs a-floppin’.

Boobs are like the greatest gift to men. Most of us feel that they’re only here for us, and we want to see everything about them – how they’re shaped, how they move with your body, and especially how your nipples look poking through your shirt.

There are few things that turn a guy on like a woman with erect nipples. Even better is when the girl knows that her nipples are hard and she’s showing them off on purpose. Excuse me… I need to go, umm, well, it’s not important. I’ll be back in five…

Manning Up

Don’t believe those silly fashion magazines. Men don’t really want anything to do with rail-thin models whose bodies are almost literal doppelgangers for 10-year-old boys. It’s creepy and disgusting. Only coke heads bang fashion models, and that’s because models are rich.

Real men like real women, and with that you can bet that nothing gets us going like women who order a beer or a Jack and Coke instead of a flavored martini. And when it comes to food, don’t gnaw on rabbit food and complain to us about being fat. Order some damn hotwings like normal folk and eat like you’re alive.

Women who man-up and actual indulge and enjoy themselves turn us on much, much more than those prissy little dainty queens whose nights out consist of diet pills and 0 net carbs.

Shared Affection…Sorta

If you’ve ever had a girlfriend who didn’t like your friends, that’s perfectly understandable. A lot of women (read: all but a few) are crazy and for some weird reason can’t stand your friends. Maybe it’s a control play; maybe she’s jealous. Who knows and who cares? So ending up with one is understandable. Staying with one, however, is unforgiveable. Get out of there, dude!

One of the things some women do that drive us nuts is actually being “one of the boys,” so to speak. When a girl can get along with our friends, we are seriously forever theirs.

We love to hang out and throw down a few beers and watch sports, and the fact that a woman would be cool with that is a turn on. However, this only works to an extent. A girl going/hanging out with the guys by herself without her boyfriend/husband is a major no-no, so be careful not to come across as a trampy tramp tramperson!

The Eyes Have It

There are a few ways women look at men. If you’ve done something wrong, like dared to offer a solution to one of their many problems before they’ve ranted and cried about it for three hours, you’ll receive the oh-Jesus-I-can’t-believe-he-just-said-that look of disgust; and if you’re brave enough to get her a gift without her first telling you what she wanted (unless it’s worth thousands), be ready for that look of utter disappointment and infinite sadness.

But there’s also “the” look – the sly, sexy, bedroom eyes that say, “Come here, big boy, and show me how a man does it.” Oh, that look is priceless and it’s definitely one of the world’s biggest turn-ons.

Accentuate the Plumpness

When women are naked or are in some sexy lingerie, it’s really endless fun for men, and we can admire every nook and cranny of your body for hours with no problem whatsoever – save stamina. We’re like Clark Griswold at Wally World. When a woman’s clothes are on, however, we’re looking at other parts of the body to entice us, like the lips for example.

One of the hottest things women do that turn men on is to accentuate their lips. Lip gloss, lipstick, puckering, licking, nibbling, sucking – it’s all sexy to us. When you show off those lips, a million thoughts run through our head, all of which leave us ready to rise for the occasion.

The Sampler

As you’ll find out in a relationship, there are many ways to have sex. On top, on the bottom, on the counter, in the tub, on the riding tractor, handcuffed and blindfolded, over the deck rails, on and on it goes. But no matter how exciting the location, the actual act is the same, and that’s why sex can become mundane.

The foreplay is what’s able to make it all worth the while after it becomes routine, and women who tease us randomly are on our All Time Greatest Females list with a bullet.

When a girl teases you a little bit, flashes the goods in her nightgown or in your best fake Hugh Hefner bathrobe, it’s a turn-on and then some. Especially when it just happens out of the blue at random, guys go wild trying to turn the sampler platter into a four-course meal.

Oh, That Smell

Guys are pretty disgusting at times. Although we try to keep at least four different types of deodorants and at least one bottle of good cologne, we always manage to stink the place up. Most of the time we’ll do this on purpose, especially after chili night when we can’t wait to rip one; so it’s no secret that we can be a little stinky sometimes.

Girls, though, seem to smell great most of the time. We have no clue how you do it but that “girl” smell is one hell of a turn-on. We’re not sure if it’s those pheromones we’ve heard about or some new kind of soap you’re using, but we could breathe you in for hours.

The Mean Girls

When you’re giving us a hard time, we might secretly wish for your death or fantasize about contracting a hitman for a six-pack to do you in, but that’s just because we’re fickle, vindictive people. Love us for what we are!

When you’re giving other people a hard time, though, we can’t get enough of it. We absolutely love it when you go on a rampage against some other girl, tearing her down with vicious insults and pure cruelty. Our natural inclination is to always come to your defense and to always side with you, so when you show some of that animalistic nature, we just want to club you over the head and go doggy over the sofa like cave monkeys.

These ten turn-ons brought to you by women everywhere are only a few of the hundreds of different things these beautiful creatures are able to do to entice our sensibilities. Some of the things they do can cause our blood to boil (in a good way), others simply make us feel comfortable and loved.

Either way you slice it, though, men are out there looking for women who will do all the little things for them. So if you’re a woman who’s still single, read this list again and figure out what it is that you’re not doing and fix it!

The world needs more women like this list talks about and fewer women found on those corny TV shows with cold independent streaks.

It only takes a little bit of passion to create a lifetime’s worth of love and adoration.