Real Dating Online: My Bout with the Queen

I’m a little more cautious about who I date these days. Back when I first gave online dating sites a whirl, I was pretty reckless about who I spoke to. I just wanted to grab a date online and I didn’t much care who it was with – as long as she was cute and as long as she said yes.

I found a girl named Tiffany and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. She was definitely good-looking, tall and slim to boot. She had a good job as a courtroom typist and, if her profile was telling the truth, no children and no baggage from a messy divorce.

So far, so good, right? Well, that’s what I thought, too, so it wasn’t long before I dropped the proverbial bomb and planned a live meeting with her.

She agreed almost instantly, to my surprise, and we planned out a nice little date in a semi-fancy restaurant for Saturday night.

I was definitely exciting about the meeting, so I dressed as spiffy as I could, chewed about 10 packs of gum on the way to the restaurant, and made sure to grab her some roses.

When Tiffany walked in, it’s like the world stopped turning. She was so beautiful in her low-cut black dress. I mean, I was having a major reaction to this – the kind guys have where it’s a little embarrassing to stand up. She was a knockout!
As the night wore on, however, I found out she was something else, too…

The waiter brought over some menus and came back in two minutes to ask if we were ready to order. Tiffany rolled her eyes, bit her lip and angrily replied, “Does it look like we’re ready to order? Hello… we just got here. Thank you!”
I interjected, “Cool out, Tiffany. Are you anxious?”

She gave me a sarcastic, mocking giggle and proceeded to insult a heavy woman sitting next to us with cow sounds. Okay, so this was sort of funny, but it’s seriously a wacko thing to do.

Five minutes later, Tiffany shouted out for the waiter, saying, “We’re ready to order now, Jeeves. You may return.”
He was none too pleased at her attitude, and neither was I. We ordered and he brought some rolls to our table around ten minutes later.

Tiffany picked one up, shouted, “These are cold” and cursed at me for actually eating one.

The waiter said to her, “Would you like to throw them around the restaurant ma’am? Maybe that would make you feel better.”

I nearly fell out of my chair laughing and replied, “If her arm’s anything like her mouth, she’s liable to kill someone with a butter-flake fastball.”

Needless to say, the night ended early. I wasn’t upset that my online dating experience had ended badly. I just became more attune to the signs of a drama queen.