The Hot-Crazy Scale of Dating
If you’re a fan of the sitcom How I Met Your Mother, you’ll probably be familiar with the inimitable Barney’s crazy theories about women, life, and everything. One of the most memorable is his Hot-Crazy scale. This might be new to some of you, but if you think about it, we’ve always known about this deep down.
How the Scale Works
Firstly, the scale is a simple X-Y graph, with a woman’s hotness along the vertical axis, and her craziness plotted along the horizontal axis. The law is that a girl is allowed to be crazy, so long as she is equally hot. So if she is X Crazy, she must be Y hot.
Ideally a girl will fall on or above the 45-degree line going up the centre of the graph, indicating that she is hotter than she is crazy. The line, called the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal, represents the equal balance of hotness and craziness. It was named after one of Barney’s ex girlfriends, who according to Barney, “played jump-rope with that line. She’d shave her head, then lose 10 pounds. She’d stab me with a fork, then get a boob job.”
Why The Hot-Crazy Scale is Important in Life
Social devices like the Hot-Crazy scale exist to stop us guys from making terrible mistakes. It’s easy to be swayed by a girl who’s really hot, or seems to live an exciting lifestyle. But a simple application of the Hot-Crazy scale will tell us whether or not it is worth putting up with her bullshit.
Let’s have a look at some examples. Now, personal taste may vary, so let’s have a look at a few celebrity cases to clear things up.
First we have an obvious example: Britney Spears. Her videos are tantalizing, she wears slutty outfits and you know she’d be a good party girl. But then she shaved her head, went all loony, and gained about 25 pounds from one celebrity spotting to the next.
She’s still relatively hot, when she’s wearing make-up, but her very unfortunate, but very public, breakdown causes her to drift across the line into the Jessie Gillespie Zone (a girl who tried to kill Barney with a brick).
So we’d tentatively put Britney Spears around here:
Next we have a more interesting case: Angelina Jolie. Now, Angelina’s bedroom antics have become very public, thanks to a rather vocal Brad Pitt, and the couple who had the hotel room next to theirs when they first hooked up. We don’t know exactly what happens in there, but we’re pretty sure we want to. She’s also been in FHM’s Top 10 Sexiest Women in the World list almost many times as it’s been published.
Unfortunately, she’s also been known to wear a vial of her lover’s blood around her neck, has a few old fellas’ names tattooed here or there, and has a tendency to fly off to third world countries and abduct small children.
Her crazy hotness, coupled with her crazy craziness, puts her somewhere around here:
So how do we find a girl who is both hot and not nutty as squirrel droppings? I humbly submit Kate Beckinsale. She’s known to be a bit of a diva, and she always wants things her way, but at least when she nags you, she’ll be doing it in that accent.
She’s definitely not bad to look at, and because she’s in some decent films, and fairly paparazzi-shy, one could even say that she is less irritating than most celebrities. Do we have a winner?
What do you think? Hit up the comments section with your thoughts.