Watch Out For the Crazy Eyes!

Barney Stinson, famed womaniser and snappy dresser from the hit television series How I Met Your Mother, is full of useful advice when it comes to women.  Most of it is delivered in a comic setting, and one’s first instinct is to treat is as comedy material. 

However, as we’ve already seen with some of his theories like the Hot-Crazy Scale, a lot of them hold some real merit.

The Crazy Eyes is another one of his theories which is ignored by his friends, at their peril.  He explains how he met a girl in McLarens who had ‘The Crazy Eyes’.  The evening ended with her suggesting a threesome – with Mr Weasels, her teddy-bear. 

Ted then recounts a tale of a girl he went on a date with, only she also had The Crazy Eyes.  She brutally battered a woman’s car because the driver nearly rode into the couple as they were about to go back to Ted’s apartment.

What are The Crazy Eyes?

If you know the signs, The Crazy Eyes are easy to spot.  Normally they’re a glint, or just a shimmer or sparkle, that at first might seem charming and intriguing, but will later reveal itself to be the sign of some deep instability.  You’ll see it when she talks about your future together on the first date and grins, looking deep into your eyes with those crazy ones of hers.

So What’s the Big Deal?

The Crazy Eyes might not seem like a big deal at first: the girl is hot, she wants to get freaky, and you’re pretty sure she’ll do some things most nice girls don’t even like to talk about. But it’s when things start to get serious that you’ll have some real problems.  She’ll tell you she loves you after you first sleep together, or she’ll stalk you mercilessly, leaving a dozen messages in a day.

The last time I encountered a girl with The Crazy Eyes, I almost ignored the signs.  This girl, let’s call her “Sam”, because that was her real name, had a boyfriend at the time – a boyfriend I didn’t like.  But she liked me. We were at a house party, and almost hooked up under her boyfriend’s nose.  Then I remembered some of my friends, also fans of How I Met Your Mother, warned me that she had ‘The Crazy Eyes’.  And also that her boyfriend would beat the snot out of me.

The last I saw of Sam was later that night, after everyone had passed out.  Her and her boyfriend were having a screaming argument, and I woke up on the couch to see her running through the house completely naked, throwing empty beer bottles at her pursuing boyfriend.

Watch out for The Crazy Eyes.